Video : Chiedza: There is mental health issue in the family @ Chiedza Tawuchira Mavangira’s personal blog
Dear Tanya,
My name is Chiedza Mavangira. I was born in Bulawayo Zimbabwe and moved here to the USA at the age of 21 with a very heavy heart. Thank you so much for your raw courage in sharing your story today. Today I feel as light as a feather and I can finally spread my wings and fly into my future because of what you did for me today. For over 15 years I have walked around with a gaping hole where my heart used to be.
When I was 16 years I found my father dead in his room. His last words to me where ‘Do you think I’m a bad person?’ I did not answer him. I wish I had said ‘I love you Daddy, you are a wonderful person and I don’t want to live without you’. I remember crystal clear like a movie playing in my head. The ambulance ride. His peaceful looking expression. The time of death someone announced to me. I had no tears. I felt nothing. I was in utter and complete shock. It took me several years to finally break down and cry.
There is a history of mental illness in the family. My little brother is currently on the streets and I pray that I have the resources to help him. I used to find it difficult to breath through the hurt. I turned to allowing myself to be exploited in many ways as if to silently punish myself for the guilt which I carried around in my heart. At 16 I sentenced myself to a life without my Father. A life without joy. A life without forgiveness. I prayed to God and by faith I have lived a life of grace.
I prayed to God but I did not have closure. I asked myself so many times “Why? Why? Why?!”
Today by God’s grace you answered every single prayer. You spoke with such shocking honesty that every single cell in my body surrendered to the truth of your words. I understood the silent war that had raged inside my father’s mind all his life. I saw the shadow that had loomed larger than life. Or so it appeared in the infinite moments that were agony to him. I heard the longing in your voice for a freedom from those ghosts that often torment us all. And In your truth I finally heard his voice.
There is an anointing on your life so powerful it supersedes all else. Your afflictions are your ministry here on this earth and through working on yourself with such brutal honesty you are the custodian of my understanding of what my father had to deal with. Today I gave him what I have owed him all these years… Grace. I will never ever judge him for this his final act again.
You have restored him wholesome in my spirit. I love him and I am no longer ashamed. I can hold my head up high because I am proud to be his daughter. He was a loving, kind, hard working and generous man who battled with depression and I forgive him. By so doing I am finally free of the burden of my self afflicted sentence.
Today you gave me some profound closure.
I pray and ask you to keep my letter close to your heart and on the days that it is difficult. It’s ok. Give yourself grace. We are all fighting the good fight of faith. On the days when it’s hard to get out of bed my these words I never spoke to my Father cover you like a heavenly cloth with the Grace of God.
Tanya Brown you are a bright light in a world of darkness. You are a woman with a spirit as fierce as a Lioness protecting her cubs.
You are a hero and an inspiration to Chiedza Mavangira and because of your story you have answered my biggest prayer. You have restored my heart back to me. You have healed me from a wound that was almost 2 decades old. You have given me a renewed hope, a deep peace that passes understanding and a new found wisdom. I now know that God indeed never left me nor forsake me. You are that light at the end of a long tunnel beckoning me to the brightest future. You are so wonderful I cannot find the constellation of words to describe you. I don’t know you but we are kindred spirits. I love the woman whom you are. Never give up hope Lady because today you touched me in a big, bold way. Because of you I have now come full circle in a powerful way and I am now activated to be an Agent & Ambassador of positive Global Change.
Humbly, I say the deepest thank you.
With the warmest & kindest Regards,
Chiedza Ruth Mavangira”
Source : Online
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